Nuggets Of Life

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And - which is more - you’ll be a Man, my son! —- Kipling
 
 
As a person taking care is one aspect , seeing the icon slowly losing power of his own constitution gradually one by one  is a very painful experience to witness . Pain and suffering cannot be shared, as it is exclusive for anyone.
 
There are many times Uma and I asked Appa what he was experiencing so that we could understand and help . He never said anything or shared .  I now recollect below the phases gradually unfolding all to an end.
 
When the PD set in he was 82,He managed not bothering about it till 86 , by keeping himself busy with maths workings , religiously taking good walks through ashoknagar roads.
 
It was from 86, that he lost control of independently moving about . Walks got restricted to the proximity of corridors only. Even then he never hesitated to walk upto the front of the building to unfurl the National flag on Independence day.  As the tremors became severe , it brought in severe hallucinations. Inaddition to Ropark and Syndopas , Raghu wonderfully introduced Somajina a tablet meant for neuro category. With clever dosages PD was contained . Deteriation of mental faculty delayed. Other wonder drugs were Archelion/Megacholin which were contnued till he breathed his last..
 
Following changes were recollected now of Appas..

• Walking reduced, no exercise
• Appetite reduced
• Joints getting stiff
• Food intake going down
• Not able to sign ( he was signing full as CGSubramaniam), as big in the mind signalling to hand to put the next word
• Irritation of Sound and Light
• Sleeping for extended hours like a baby
• Body’s strength to stand on its own feet going down
• Not being able to take solid food
• Distended bowels
• Not being able to take liquid food through oral feeding ( as all were going to Lungs)
• Nasal tube through  Feeding  of medicine  and food.

• Bed Sores
• Digestive system totally giving way
• Breathing diificulty
• Heart slowly stopping and body getting cold….

( all these over three years …. majority happening in the last three months)
 
I realise now , that the day his hunger and thirst stopped , that was the time he decided to move into the Galaxy.. We were only forcing him to stay through our care and anxiety by giving him food and medicine so that he had strength for three things 1> Opening and closing of his eyes
2> to respond to the sound 3 > Say a word " yes" or "No" with great effort.
 
Raghu for many times pulled him out on many occasions from the brink of total collapse . This Sunday (28/12/2010) ,  it proved otherwise .  I had only some satisfaction of having felt him through my handling while giving bath , making him sit at Hall and again putting him back into the bed  and changing his positions for bringing him relief to his bed sores. Surpisingly that day for the first time in his life time,  Cricket onedayer never appealed to him . 
 
This time despite all being there , on Sunday after taking the night feed at 9.00 PM , he went to sleep with slight breathing difficulty.  We werehopeful that he would last till 1st to go through the tube insertion into the stomach. But may be he never wanted that and he decided and  quitely escaped to eternity at 10.45 PM .
 
I narrated the above .. How do we help someone for whom the PD has started ? Is there a better cure ? Is there a prevention ? Deep Brain stimulation can they be the cure ? Why is that there are no medical Innovations ? Or for that matter why there are a very few innovations to make human beings  immortal ? Is it because that Human being is destined to live only for 70 years and the rest is a chanced existence ?
 
The movements of Appa since my childhood are coming back again and again… I see that he is slowly getting in .. I am sure Sethu,Raghu and Rama will also be feeling the same way.
 
Gowri
 

An Year When I tuned FIFTY

Only to see turbulance happening one after the other ,

with Hanuman sloka giving strength

Sudden Jump in Volumes throwing all out of gear

Prime Leadership cracking Elsewhere

Customers after our blood in the name of Performance

Only to make a mockery on all the hardwork I had put in

Still amidst all work for instilling confidence  in Son to scrap through in reevaluation

Relief coming in the form of a shift in Assignment

with a bigger responsibilities and expectations

From frying pan to fire

Only Relief that I am home everyday

after long travelling hours

Home under turmoil , mother’s brain strokes

subsequent fall in bath room resulting in bone surgery

Father chocking and vomiting black

Nasal feeding of medicines and liquids

Father going away without any huff

Assignment  mockingly bringing stability to Nissan part supplies

Only to leave the year 2010 filled with all ruptures.

On 28th December ,at 10.45 PM he went cold leaving his eyes half open. He stopped responding to our calls .

He left us on a long journey
Till the end he lived fearlessly, never demanding anything from anyone.
He taught all of us the values of clean and truthful living coupled with simple existence.
The affections he shared with each and every member of this family group can be recollected so many times.
He bonded us together
He gave confidence to many to belive in themselves and in their abilities
It will be very difficult for anyone of us to emulate him.
From today, for us a new journey begins..
 
———–We the children of  CG Subramaniam

You stand like a rock facing the situation
Passions hidden within
Tasks to be executed        
Pleasing the unnoticed
Life drifted to a career
From ordinary to a position
Filled with brushes, tolerances and dear
Happenings leaving a mark somewhere
On Performance and human values
Finally stand alone
And ask within, God give me
The Courage to successfully jump
Over the hurdles I face
Every day, every moment,
Unplanned and Unscheduled
Still keep that face
Smiling, pain within and be good
and never Ask,  Is “Life all that” ?
Is there a “better Life”
Just reconcile only to
to be “what I am”,
while wishing another good day.

This time we got another opportunity to visit Chittoor (AP) the place we spent our childhood and grew up studying at different institutions. Rama (my sister) wanted to show Arvind ( her son – my nephew)  for the first time the places where we lived. I also had a chance to walk through the Bazaar area for visiting the Bank where my father’s pension is being deposited. Before entering the town, Sethu took us to the college where he did his Intermediate. His was the first and last batch. He met Mr Dayananda Reddy. Mr Reddy’s life style and his passion for his profession impressed us quite a lot . The creation of different chemistry labs symbolised his passion for the subject and the profession . He also appeared to be leading a very fulfilling life balancing his time between teaching, work at his labs and the healthy walks at Round Roads (Chittoor Forest). While sauntering the bazaar roads , we were able to connect to the person in Mitta Medical shop where we had bought medicines on credit and the memories rolled back to the late evening hours where I would take the cycle , visit the shop and return before getting down to the studies . The thoughts of Sherman Memorial Girl’s High School brought many aspects of nostalgia. I forgot that I danced well in the “Maro Prapancham” ( Another world) song which at that time won  many appreciations . Though I studied upto 7^th class (restricted upto this level for Boys)  and Rama upto 10^th class , our teachers were able to remember us and blessed us further when we met them almost after 37 years . We were very happy to see a memorial made for the music teacher Leela . I can’t forget her and the manner in which she took care of me when once I swooned in the school because of giddiness. As she was also a close relative , she brought me home straight to tell my mother what had happened . Even after I left the school , I would always see her during morning or evening on the main road when they would go to /return from the school . The day closed with spending time at Hemant’s mother Prema aunty. As we left her place , Prema aunty was in tears recollecting all the association we had as their neighbours. We left for Chennai after spending a few minutes at the Forest Round Roads.The  photographs depict that day’s happy moments . Just for you to see..Next is to go again liesurely and spend two days there and reconnect ourselves to some more things..  

Quiet Birthday

This year 29^th June was a quite affair. Athreya completed 16 years of age . There were no celebrations .The previous day (which was June 28^th ) was a Sunday . His Periappa and Periamma brought him a nice cake. That evening we all went to a good North Indian Punjabi eating joint “Dhaba Express”.

As Athreya switched his school from PSBB to Chinmaya Vidyalaya , we respected his choice . We all went through a testing times from January 2009 to May 2009 . When the board results were announced, we were all relieved. How much his Maths teacher and his Mother have pulled him out from a precariously low situation to a degree of respectability. It is our desire that our children should not suffer infront of our eyes because of neglect or ignorance.

No doubt Athreya would have felt this experience . He promised us that he would sincerely work hard from day 1. How he changes his approach for bringing in a transformation within himself is what the future is all about for him..

We faced a worst situation during the first year of our occupancy (i.e 2005) at the new apartments built by Jains Housing when our apartments were flooded with Knee deep water after an incessant rain fall in the city . That time we were totally caught unware and our euphoria of living in a wonderful place was shaken. It had a psychological toll also on our elders . It was definitely not a good sign with water entering our rooms from the terrace The pride of possessing a dignified home got dented then. Subsequently certain  modifications and corrective actions were done and the apartment never got flooded after that . We could overcome that feeling after seeing certain remedial measures in place .

This year ,when we were experiencing rains intermittently after Diwali , we felt there was nothing . We carried on with our lives in a quite normal manner like any other day . There was good confidence that things would be  normal , and our routines would not be disturbed.  So whenever it rained, except for some advance announcement of school closure , no routine for anyone was affected. On 25^th November, when the week started , there was rain and we did not notice its continuity.

On 27^th November , I was at Hosur when Uma (my wife) called me that day morning to inform  about the threat of a cyclone and water slowly entering the apartment car park area. We alerted our brother and requested that parents should be taken to his place as the power supply would get disrupted . As he was busy with his work , he did not take this request seriously.
By afternoon , that day things have started falling apart. The discharge of one of the major drain outlets to the road ceased functioning as the drain line was detected faulty at the last minute . Compounding the misery was the news that all the major reservoirs in the city were full and water being let out into the city . The third fact was that water seeping out from the earth as our ground level was very low lying compared to the adjacent Ceebros flats and the Jains own first two and the subsequent constructions .

We were cautious to move the car this time outside much before . By evening the the water level rose and by night as it became pitch dark the water had already swelled upto hip level. There was no possibility for anyone to enter the premises . The apartment office bearers and the Promags ( who maintain the premises) deployed Pump sets at every location to discharge water . In the night as darkness pervaded the sound of the pump sets kept all of us  awake . Sethu ( my brother) made an attempt and entered the premises on 28^th and seeing the condition decided to shift my parents somehow to his place . But the question was how ? He called me and asked me to come over. Even before that I decided . I was told on 28^th , there was no way I could enter the city as the traffic was affected 55 kms ahead of the city outskirts.

By 29^th when I arrived by morning from Hosur , we all realised that this is the worst we are experiencing . Sethu was waiting . He suggested some improvisations to the wheel chair to ensure safe transportation of my ageing parents (87 and 78). We did some mock trials of moving the wheel Chair in the hip deep water and  ensured no obstacles . We lifted our parents bodily and placed them on a make shift plank kept delicately on the arm rest support of the wheel chair. We then carted the wheel chair and moved the parents ( one by one) outside the apartment premises where the car waited to take them to Sethu’s place in Ashoknagar which was situated 3 kms away . Not a drop of water could touch their feet. The idea of using the wheel chair was an innovative one indeed.

As the havoc was obvious and as it was uncertain ,   many people vacated and left their premises . People who had the will and were positive about managing stayed back. I did not want my parents to get  vulnerable . The maids who were taking care of my  dad were brave and magnanimous and still reported for duty . We did not want to discomfort them further as my parents were dependent on them  and they had to be dropped along.

 I stayed back in my (still wonderful) home with Athreya( my son)  and Uma. We discussed on many possibilities and actions for survival for the subsequent days.  One such action was that our drivers would get water in Plastic “Kodams” on a cycle wading through the water. The cell phones and emergency lamps are given outside for recharging during the day.

The cyclone “ Nisha” can always be remembered for the disruption it caused . Not only that it mocked at us as were deceived with the investment we had made out from our Life time savings . The owners of the homes belonging to the adjoining Jains and Ceebros ventures would have paid round about the same value to live in comfort even during this kind of situations , where as we are left high and dry.

Life limpted back to normal in the next 4 days . Even today after a month the Garden side the water oozing is seen.  Again we discussed about various remedial measures . A separate committee for remedial actions is formed. While this went on , no accountability or morally responsible action has been evidenced by the builder . Many are still uncertain about his support for rebuilding the collapsed compound wall which is a fatal construction mistake. 112 inmates are reconciled to this deception from Jains .Why they failed to do the land refilling before beginning of the construction at a different level , still remains a mystery .

There are many instances when we feel miserable . It happens when we are cheated because of our own judgment or when some one cheats us  /steals from us or when our memory lets us down or when we feel helpless not able to contribute to a  situation and just remain a witness. Ours is a classic case of both our judgment and Jains deception of capitalising on our aspirations .The feeling of having got cheated will remain forever for the rest of our life or our lives . It would haunt us more or appear predominantly when rains in the city get lavish and not stop for days together .

We have started looking ahead with total disassociation of our pride about “Jains Ashraya Phase II , Kamalakannan Gardens”. A few of us have come together to see what best could be done. We are hopeful that during the next situation we would be better off well equipped to manage the crisis , predominantly that of ensuring in place all essential services . We need to see.
That’s why when the clouds gathered , as the news of another low depression in the BOB appeared again , we accepted that there would be rainfall  again and we felt “ Oh ! Not again”..

Change for the “Better”

I stopped writing in between . Shifted my job from ZIP Industries to Thai Summit  during April/May 2008. Many were instrumental and a few gave solid support for this good change , My wife , my brother and a good old friend . They helped me to go through this transition smoothly.

As long as we are good and continue doing good , we are never let down by anybody . If there is something like a let down , it is only that some other better avenue awaits us.

Any sudden weather change could be a sign of an impending disaster or beautiful work of Nature which happens rarely. Experiencing this could be a curse or a gift. But what ever it is ,   it has to be endured  . Sometimes this experience could be unforgettable.
I experienced one such recently . It was on 3rd  May. It was the  morning time . Till then , in the  same year 2007 , Chennai was  experiencing a hot weather with humidity and temperature touching peak levels .

My route to the factory involves taking the NH-45  by-pass starting from Maduravoyal to Tambaram. That day, as I got onto the highway crossing the toll . In the city as I started, the weather only appeared dull as if though any time the hot sun would appear coming behind the clouds. As I came onto the highway, I was stunned .  I could barely see the objects in front as the weather got cloudy much to my curiosity. What was most unbelievable was the clouds descending and going through the objects surrounding the highway . Sometimes I could see the clouds hitting the earth ( road)  and moving past the objects.  I could catch the these moments in these following snaps ( Sorry , in the photograph, the  year  was wrongly set as 2006).